Roly-poly Britain

Since we're having an excess of seaside weather I was wondering why we couldn't have more seaside. I mean it's quite inconvenient that people have to work in hot offices and cities when they could be somewhere much nicer with lots of lovely cool sea air.

So my thoughts meandered (good for me, bad for everyone else) and I wondered if we could reshape the British Isles. I was thinking of a roly poly, you know the type of thing we get when we're making French bread from dough. If we rolled it out so it was really long then we should be able to make it just wide enough for the widest building, and a road (not for all those people who insist on hurrying - they'd have to swim, but for those who couldn't get around so easily) and a sandy beach on each side. We don't want it to stretch up to the Arctic because it would be too cold there so I was wondering about a curly wurly shape.

It might look something like this (now you see why I'm not an artist):

Now I know people in hospitals and emergency services would still have to work, but at least they's be able to pop out at tea break and catch a sea breeze. And the rest of us could bring them nice cool vanilla 99's and things because there would have to be a decrease in the making of submarines (the crews would get dizzy) and an increase in the making of floating ice-cream vans.

We wouldn't need cars any more because we could put a railway track along the middle so that would help our government meet its carbon targets and people with roadrage could play ludo instead of making steam.

There's just one problem with this plan. I haven't left much room for hills and mountains and these are really important because that's where we'd have to put the supermarkets. Just think that after puffing and sweating your way up for the weekly shop, you'd have lost so much body fat and be so healthy that you could eat whatever you wanted. Even naughty things like chocolate truffles and chocolate fudge cakes.

So I think we have to leave room for a very very thin mountain everyone few miles or so.

I do find myself wondering if there are any improvements I could make to this plan before I submit it to Mr Prescott?

Listening to: Morrissey, "The Youngest Was the Most Loved"
Wants: to build a sand castle